Me: You know what sucks? Shoveling snow sucks.
Brain: You know what’s going to suck a lot more than that?
Me: … not really.
Brain: That frozen waterfall on the side of your house.
Brain: Or rather, replacing the blown-out brass sprinkler valve that the frozen waterfall originates from.
Me: No, what sucks is you. You suck.
Me: Why didn’t you tell me to shut that valve off until almost midnight last night?
Brain: Why didn’t you listen to me two weeks ago, when I told you not to turn it on in the first place, because there’s always a blizzard near the end of March?
Me: … Touche.
Brain: It’s Touché.
Me: Whatever. Why the HELL do they put a valve like that on the outside of the house, anyway? That’s the second time it’s frozen and burst in seven years.
Brain: Because if they put it on the inside, it would flood the house when something like this happened.
Me: But something like this wouldn’t HAPPEN if they put it on the inside of the —
Brain: Shh. Don’t speak. You know what happens when you speak.
Me: But —
Brain: Shh. Look, someone updated on Twitter.