Pulling a dick move, and other things that make stories (and games) better.

Somewhere*, sometime**, D was talking about writing things and said something like:

The only scene in a story with no conflict in it should be the epilogue at the end of the story.

I know that isn’t it exactly, but that’s the gist of it; when you’re telling a story, scenes should have conflicts in them, or they shouldn’t… you know… be scenes.

De also pointed out*** that you can cheat this a little bit in a scene without any obvious conflict by then revealing “Yeah, while it looked like Mom and Daughter were have a nice happy cup of tea for six pages, Mom had ACTUALLY CALLED THE INSANE ASYLUM TO TURN IN HER DAUGHTER!” DUN Dun dunnnn.

A good trick (one which I’ve used), but it doesn’t change the basic idea, which is (put into my own words):

Never stop fucking with the main character.

Yeah, yeah, “show, don’t tell” works, because if you are legitimately trying to “show” as you write a scene you’ll instinctively put in some kind of thing worth showing. A conflict. There you go. You’ve done it.

(Tangential thought I just had: This may be be a legitimate means of separating “porn” from “erotica”. Erotic has sex scenes with conflict. Porn just has scenes with people fucking. Maybe? Hmm.)

Now, none of this is particular epic storytelling trickery; people get this. People mention this kind of thing all the time.

What people are only slowly starting to get is how it applies to roleplaying games.

Let me tell you about this guy I know. Plays in my Wednesday game. Like most of the people who come in and out of the Wednesday game, he’s also runs games. As a person-who-runs-games, he has a bit of a reputation. A Nom-de-GM, even: people call him Weeda the Evil.

He’s earned this title and the attendant rep via a pretty simple means and method – he rakes his player’s characters over the coals. I’m pretty sure he used to give out certificates to anyone who died in a game he was running. There may have even been t-shirts.

t050artsmall

He is, without a doubt, one of the most popular GMs in the Denver area. Probably, if you’re a gamer (or a reader, or an author) I don’t need to explain why.

…*crickets*…

BUT JUST IN CASE I DO, it goes something like this: no one ever gets the feeling from this guy that he’s screwing with you just to screw with you — he’s screwing with you because you’re the Big Cheese, the Main Character, the Hero. He believes you can take it, and he’ll Test to Destruction to prove his point.

He has a similar rule to the one I blocked up above. It is (not surprisingly) more concise.

Heroes Suffer.

Sometimes, your heroes will not appreciate your exciting plot twists.
Sometimes, your heroes will not appreciate your exciting plot twists.

Yeah.

The thing with RPGs is that, for a really really long time, the only tool that GMs had at their disposal was their own sense of drama and their desire to make sure the Hero Suffers. Take another guy without that sense and you have a lot of dead, boring fights. Take a different guy who only gets that you’re screwing with the characters, and not where that motivation comes from, and you just have some dick GM that everyone hates playing with.

(Take a writer who misinterprets this sort of guideline, or misreads what it is about one of their successful stories that makes people happy, and you get someone who thinks “the key to a successful story is doing horrible shit to my main character”, which somewhat misses the difference between ‘introducing conflict’ and ‘torture’. I’m looking at you, Vorkosigan series!)

Sometimes you just have to punch your favorite character right in the junk.
Sometimes you just have to punch your favorite character right in the junk. That's fine. But it's way more interesting when you give a character a choice between junk-punching and something else, and they CHOOSE junk-punching.

Luckily, there’s a lot of great games out there that are figuring this out and helping GMs find that sweet spot between “I want to be fair and impartial” and “I need to put you through the wringer or you’re going to be bored.” It started in the good old days with GURPS and Champions and their Dependent NPC (8), but that sort of thing never really worked they way it should. Sorcerer figured it out and introduced “bangs” that pretty much made all of the GMs prep a process of building a list of tough questions the players had to answer. That was good. Primetime Adventures actually breaks if you don’t throw tough conflicts at the main characters and get the Fan Mail flowing.

And it’s gotten better. Fate/Spirit of the Century has the whole Fate Point/Aspect compels that give you a great Devil’s Deal kind of thing to use, but for my money, the best stuff out there right now that does this is Mouse Guard and Danger Patrol. I won’t get into they “whys” of this right now, because this is not the gaming blog, but MG pretty much builds an entire game around “Heroes Suffer”, and Danger Patrol is built around the idea that the only way you can help your fellow players out is by making the situation they’re in more and more Dangerous (potentially creating new dangers everyone has to deal with).

GM: “Okay, Tim is going to jump from one flying car to the other. That’s super dangerous, and worth some extra dice, but what other dangers are out there he doesn’t know about?”
Kate: “There’s a school bus coming the other way, and he’s going to force it to swerve into oncoming traffic.”
GM: “Okay… bonus dice.”
Chris: “And it’s full of kids.”
GM: “Another bonus die.”
Tim: “Umm…”
Kate: “And puppies! It’s ‘bring your puppy to school day!”
GM: “Bonus dice!”
Tim: *Groans*

NOTE: This conversation actually happened in a Danger Patrol game, just not mine – it was Brennan! (Thank you Brennan for helping me find that lost bit of info.

The result of a escalating series of Dangers in Danger Patrol.
The result of a escalating series of Dangers in Danger patrol.

For the longest time, I had to remember to bring what I knew about conflicts from writing, and try to apply that to games I ran.

Now? I borrow tricks from the games I play and use them when I’m writing.


* – On her blog.
** – I couldn’t find the post.
*** – I couldn’t find this post, either.

Random things I feel I should share

1…

This jumped straight to the top of my “stuff I can justify buying for some good reason, while secretly preparing for the zombie outbreak” list.

2…

My new Asus eeePC 1000he netbook makes me pretty happy. It took me a little more than a year to talk myself into it, and waiting that long meant that I got a 10-inch screen, much-improved keyboard, and a purported 8+ hours of battery life (YMMV) for about 75% of what I would have ended up paying for a lesser machine in 2008.

Time: Not only on my side, but kinda groovy.
Time: Not only on my side, but kinda groovy.

3…

While cleaning the bloatware from the netbook (which I’ve named “The FMA” until I think of something better), I dug about for the tools I wanted to turn the thing into an open source/freeware writing machine. OpenOffice was a no-brainer for word processing and MS-Office-friendly output, but I MUST bring your attention to Write Monkey.

Write Monkey is a full-screen … I was going to say “word processor”, but it’s both more (a writer’s tool) and less (a text editor). The creator promises a distraction-free writing experience, and that’s what you get: just you and the words on a black screen. Word count display is optional, as is a “Write or Die” timer. It has a few nice options hidden in the background that I’m not going to spoil, and an all-keyboard-commands style of interface that I absolutely love; I wrote my first stories on ProWrite 2.0 for DOS 3.1, and this this feels like coming home. (It also has a solid “export to doc format” function that works quite well.)

My current favorite part? The Repository screen, where you can hide all the bits you haven’t found a place for in the story, yet. Brilliant.

4…

What else did I put on there? A bunch of game-rules PDFs, VLC Portable, bookmarks to Slacker Radio and Graham Walmsley’s Very Fine Dice Roller, and I’m pretty much good to go for everything I’d want to do with the thing. (Full disclosure: I also put LotRO on it, just to see if it would run. It did, and the less said (or done) about that, the better.)

Anyone else have a software app they think the whole world should be using? Lemme know: I have tons of free space and a strong desire to tinker. (Note to self: figure out why you can’t boot to the eeebuntu thumbdrive. :P)

Cloudy

twitter-cloud
Click to embiggen.

Via Wordle, a word-cloud displaying the most commonly used words on my Twitter feed. Submitted without comment; I’m too busy being narcissistic.

Nekkid

A few weeks ago, I was explaining to Kate why I prefer to keep the shades down in my office when I’m in there. People can look in… I can’t see them… et cetera.

“It all boils down,” I said, “to the Old Nekkid Guy story.”

“The what?” she replied.

I just stopped and stared. I thought everyone knew the Old Nekkid Guy story. I for damn sure thought my wife knew it.

Apparently not.

So I went digging around my old blog archives… and… nothing. Then I went digging in my really old blog archives.

THEN I went digging in my really, really old blog archives. You know the ones I mean: dusty html files with no css code, from the two or three months in early 2001 when you were using Blogger, but Blogger was so overwhelmed with new users (cough*Twitter*cough) that you finally gave up and just installed MovableType v0.7 on your website and started over? Yeah, those old blog archives.

And, finally, I found the story.

Which I will now share. Again.

Because I think it’s important for everyone to have something humbling sitting out there on the internet.

So, I was checking out some stuff online tonight (“Why, that’s amazing, Doyce… that almost never happens.” — shut up, you). To do this, I have to sit at my computer; to sit at my computer, I must face the window in my office, which faces the street. Are we all clear? Geographically oriented? Good.

There I sat, pointing and clicking, muttering to myself about downtown Denver’s ability to completely confound Mapquest, when I heard a group of kids passing by on the sidewalk. Ahh, walking nostalgia. They were speaking in the particular tones used only by teens and people who are talking to themselves and scared of being in alone in the cemetery/empty parking garage/jail — I think high school illicites this behavior.

I was starting to smirk at the conversation, remembering similar ones in my (distant) past, when suddenly I became their new topic.

“Look, there’s a guy.”
“There’s a guy.”
“Is he naked?”
“He looks naked.”
“A naked guy? We can see him.” (Apparently, being naked might render one invisible, I have to check on this.)
(calling out) “Hey naked guy, are you naked?” (nervous laughter)

For the record, I was clothed; wearing gym shorts and no shirt. This is how I normally dress around my house in the summer, and the number one reason I can think of to CALL before coming over.

You can’t see the shorts from the street, though, at least not while I’m sitting at the computer… thus, Nekkid.

(Also for the record, I’m not making the kids sound any more assinine than they did on their own.)

Needless to say, this turn of conversation eliminated my nostalgia. Sure, I’m aware that I’m thirty-mumble years old and thus unspeakably ancient to the teen set, but I still play the wacky video games, I still listen to that rock-and/or-roll, and I don’t want to be the next funny old guy a pack of kids taunts at 10 pm.

What the hell do you shout back? “No?” “Not yet?” “You kids get off my lawn?”

What did I do? Nothing. I kept staring at my old-nekkid-guy screen, clicking my old-nekkid-guy mouse, muttering old-nekkid-guy things about RTD, a frown creasing my wrinkled, whiskery, gonna-die-of-old-age-soon-enough face. I waited for them to keep walking. I prayed fervently for them to keep walking.

Then I crawled back into the house and got a shirt. I’m still wearing it.

I might never take it off.

All weird old guys have that one polo shirt that they wear every weekend for lawn work, beer drinking, and barbequeing, right?

Well, now I know why that happens.

Happy Friday, everyone. Remember to wear your polo shirts this weekend.

Old School Dinner Plans: Cast Iron Skillet Magic

skilletSo, a few years ago, a guy I know posted about some pretty wonderful sounding food you could put together in a few minutes with fearless use of a cast-iron skillet. Sounded great, except I didn’t have one.

Then I got one – I think as part of our wedding registry, which it was on because of all that stuff I’d read – and… it sat in a cupboard, because it had a whole series of instructions on how to ‘season the pan’ and how you couldn’t actually wash the thing with soap, and you had to RE-season it after every use and…

Well, it just sounded hard.

Yes, I’m THAT lazy. Turns out that seasoning a cast-iron skillet consists of wiping it down with some vegetable oil and putting it away. Big deal.

Anyway, I decided to cowboy up this weekend and get that skillet going. Here’s what I did.

Continue reading “Old School Dinner Plans: Cast Iron Skillet Magic”

What am I not getting? Book marketing through context ads

Okay, all you schmott guys: this is not going to be about me going on about something – this is going to be about YOU going on about something.

me: You know what I’m curious about in terms of book-marketing money spent?
Kate: what’s that?
me: Google ads.
Kate: what about them?
me: For Instance, the ‘related sites’ stuff that shows up alongside GMail and on websites and stuff.

They don’t cost much, relative to whatever, and lots of people embed them on websites, plus Gmail and Google search pages, it seems like the kind of thing that would be a no-brainer for people to do.

You’d need someone skilled doing the keywords for the ads, so that you’re showing up alongside the right searches, obviously, but it just seems like a good idea.

Related to that: Facebook ads; which is somewhere I actually do see book ads.

I almost never see them in Google ads though, which is WEIRD.

I have to assume people just… don’t do them for books, because if they did… the kind of emails I send and receive would call up book-related ads… or game products… whatever. Something.

I mean, I’m exchanging emails with a guy about his story, so it’s all about writing and characters and motivation and the genre the thing is set in… and the “related” Google ads alongside are… “Document management”, “Google TV ads”, “Convert PDFs to Word”… a Talking Smartpen, and “Google Docs Backup”.

Kate: I see a lot of ads from print-on-demands houses, and editorial services and such in Facebook, but no, not really for books themselves.

me: It feels like an marketing blindspot. Especially when many avid readers are also writers and talk about such things in email.

Right, so… what am I missing, people?

Someone has to know more than me about this.
Someone has to know more about this than I do.
  • Why is this not happening? Am I the only one not seeing ads for new books showing up in Google ads, or are people simply not doing them?
  • If so, why?
  • Is it so complicated as to make it a bad idea? What’s the cost outlay to set it up? How much tweaking do you have to do to get your “Product” showing up alongside things to which it’s related.
  • Has anyone out there done this sort of stuff as part of their day job? Facebook ads, Google ads… whatever. I don’t care, I just want to learn.

In which I spend a little time talking as though I know something.

Yesterday, at the zombie-uprising commemorative gathering, we were talking about Dave’s current problem with his work laptop – specifically, the fact that he can only access the internet via Internet Explorer 6 (an affliction that I suspect I would quite literally be unable to cope with) – as part of the litany of ill effects this problem caused, he mentioned that he couldn’t use the Google Talk application and parenthetically noted that it was a small blessing that GMail embedded a kind of GTalk-lite that DID still work (albeit in IE *shudder*).

In response, I confessed that while I got a lot of use out of the GMail-embedded version, I had almost no use for the standalone GTalk application.

To which Dave replied, “Which might be because you are ALWAYS flagged as Busy.”

do-not-disturb
Me, usually.

There was general chuckling at that, because it’s true. I am usually flagged as Busy, but as I explained at the time, that’s entirely intentional.

For me, the Busy flag is there to tell people “Don’t Bother Me Unless It’s Important.” I’m not an inherently anti-social person (somewhat the opposite), but the fact of the matter is, IM conversations require attention and nigh-immediate response, and (except in those situations where someone has decided what they need to talk to me about is important enough to justify ignoring that “Busy” flag) they very rarely deserve it. The “busy” status is my filter – one that I very consciously put in place.

One of the things that I don’t talk about too much is the work I do that pays the bills. It’s not that I dislike it — I find it pretty interesting, actually – but I’m not entirely convinced that other people will (and that’s really saying something, considering some of the niche-obsessions I go on about on here). I’m going to break that non-rule for just a few minutes to talk about one section of one of the classes that I teach, and how it led me to use that Busy Status the way I do.

“Time Management” is sort of the perennial New Hotness in corporate America – a catch-phrase that makes people nod along when it’s mentioned and roll their eyes when no one’s looking. Books like First Things First or Getting Things Done are often quoted, rarely read, and even more rarely put into use.

Time: Ur Doin' It Wrong.
Time: Ur Doin' It Wrong.

I read both books, but only because I was putting together a class on Time Management and my audience (a lot blue-collar guys in management roles) needed to get better at it but were never going to take the time to read a couple books and boil all that stuff down to something they could use. The end result of all that research was a two-hour class during which the students get a blank pocket notebook and a double-sided business card on which I printed the entire ‘manual’ for the class.

Most of that class focuses on Doing, because we suck at Doing.

Between coworkers walking in and babbling away with no provocation, dinging reminders from Outlook, our phones, IM clients, and all that junk, it’s just hard to block out uninterrupted time and then actually use it for whatever task it was intended to be used for.

So here’s a few things I (try to) do that help me DO during those times.

1. Focus on one task at a time.

  • This doesn’t have to go on for hours at a time; for now, just try to block out 30-minute blocks during which you’re devoted to a single task.
  • Eliminate all distractions. That means shut off Twitter, Outlook, Gmail, YIM, AIM, GTalk. Close your door, if you can. Make sure the cat, dog, kids, spouse, and coworker are all are fed.
  • Don’t multi-task, and don’t let yourself get interrupted.

2. Seriously, don’t #*$#ing Multitask.

Multitasking: the fine art of avoiding two things you don’t want to do by working on both of them simultaneously.

The supposed efficiency of multitasking is an illusion — it hurts productivity, increases the chance of error, slows down your reaction time… plus it makes you go bald and lowers the production of pheromones that make you attractive to the opposite sex. Don’t do it.

This man enjoys multi-tasking... and swallowing kittens whole by dislocating his envenomed lower jaw.
This man enjoys multi-tasking... and swallowing kittens whole by dislocating his envenomed lower jaw.

The human brain is amazing in many many ways, but it positively sucks at concentrating on two things at once. As soon as you try, you can practically guarantee you’ll miss something important.

3. Control Who Has Access to You

Stop and think about something for a second: who (barring some kind of technology failure) has unrestricted access to you at virtually any time?

NOT what I meant, and you know it.
NOT what I meant, and you know it.

Ask yourself, seriously, because it says a lot about who you are.

I set my GTalk Status as Busy, because I know that there are very few people who will be comfortable sending me an instant message anyway (provided they feel they have a good reason). Here’s a happy (non-)coincidence: the people that know me well enough to ignore that message are the people on my All Access list.

4. No one else gives a crap if you get your stuff Done.

No.

No they don’t.

Not even that guy. Not her either. No one.

Not even your Boss – who is probably emailing you right now to remind you to get your stuff done – actually gives a crap if you get it done, if they have something they want to ask you right now.

It doesn’t matter if The Stuff You Need To Do is the daily TPS report or the Next Great American Novel; you are the only person who even has even a small chance of caring about getting it done, and the only way to make that happen is to viciously (perhaps anti-socially) defend the blocks of time you set up to Do Things.