At this moment, I can’t even remember your name.

A few days after you left, there was a bad storm. It happened in the middle of the night the way all the really bad storms do. I watched it through the double-wide windows that functioned as the head of my bed at the time.
You had been there to see me the weekend before and I was thinking about you. The visit had started out pretty well and you’d had a look in your eyes that said you intended good things. Very good things.
Of course it didn’t work that way.
I don’t know if there’s a way to explain: the lights were out, the room was dim, and when you walked into the bedroom you just looked so much like her. I was so surprised that I said exactly what I was thinking before I realized how it would sound, and that set the tone for the rest of your visit.
So a few days later I lay in bed watching the water run down the window and let lightning burn afterimages on my retina. The pillow you’d slept on didn’t smell like your perfume. The sheets didn’t smell like your skin. There was no romantically symbolic indication that you’d ever been in my house. I suppose that was fitting.
The next morning the neighborhood was littered with leaves and branch bits. I watched people sweep the walks or rake their lawns as I got ready for work.
I hadn’t called you.
I wasn’t going to.
I had admitted to myself that I didn’t know what to say. I think that was the first time I’d felt comfortable in three years.

3 Replies to “At this moment, I can’t even remember your name.”

  1. I was cleaning out my harddrive at work and stumbled over some old poetry I wrote in … jebus… *think* 93? 94?
    One of them, a repetitive piece of crap called “elements” gave me an idea for a story. That’s the first part of it.

  2. It’s filed under ‘dreams’ because I glommed the idea from ‘pome’ into this fucked up dream I had a few days ago where the whole neighborhood was covered in leaves and branches and I was walking down the middle of the street trying to tie my tie.
    Reason #463 not to go rooting around in my head. Ugh.

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