{"id":12319,"date":"2015-01-12T14:15:58","date_gmt":"2015-01-12T21:15:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/doycetesterman.com\/?p=12319"},"modified":"2017-01-26T22:19:50","modified_gmt":"2017-01-27T05:19:50","slug":"i-am-a-nerd-final-ish-with-audio","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/doycetesterman.com\/index.php\/2015\/01\/i-am-a-nerd-final-ish-with-audio\/","title":{"rendered":"I am a Nerd (final-ish, with Audio)"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’ve posted two previous iterations of this, but neither felt completely done<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Last night, I had the chance to recite the piece for an audience. I say “recite” because I’d memorized it while driving out from Denver, and that process led to me editing it a bit (changing some of the clumsier lines, removing a couple stanzas, and fiddling with the ending about a hundred times).<\/p>\n

The recitation went pretty well, so I think it’s just about there, and in any case I have a ton of other<\/em> stuff I want to work on this week that is not this, so let’s put a bow on it and call it done.<\/p>\n

I was<\/em> simply going to post it, but one of my friends asked for audio of me reading it, as well – you will find a very basic recording at bottom of this post; enjoy.<\/p>\n

Anywhere, here it is.<\/p>\n

\n

High School reunion
\nnot exactly fun<\/em>
\nuntil the third rum
\nand Coke.
\nThen one school chum
\ninterrupts the hum
\nand buzz
\nand half-drunken fuzz
\nfor a joke.
\nHis Genuine Draft thunks down
\n(emblematic drink of this small midwestern town)
\nand he says
\n“So… Doyce
\n“… are you still a nerd?”<\/p>\n

(Before I proceed, a disclaimer
\nabout this guy, not me,
\nhe’s
\na bit of a skeeze
\nhe might say he hasn’t let the years change him
\nI might say he hasn’t changed his denim
\nWranglers. Might be the same pair
\nhe wore down there
\nunder his gown, where
\nhe stood up with the rest of us
\nmortarboard on like the rest of us
\nbut all the way down at the end of the line
\nfiftieth out of forty-nine
\ndiploma-receiving graduates.
\nNo real friend of mine
\nand, certainly, it would feel sickly sublime
\nto simply dismiss him this time,
\nask how his wife likes the wine
\nor how it feels standing in line
\nfor unemployment.<\/p>\n

But there would be no enjoyment.)<\/p>\n

We’re all together<\/em> here
\nFeeling the booze and beer
\nand good cheer
\nsitting at folding tables
\ntelling each other fables.
\nabout the last twenty five years.<\/p>\n

So rather than rage,
\nI decide to engage
\nand say:
\n“A nerd? Me?
\nLet’s see.”<\/p>\n

I’m not going to waste time talking
\nabout roleplaying games, walking
\nto school every day hauling
\nthree bulging gym bags full of rule books.
\nAnd all the funny looks.<\/p>\n

I mean, you know that already, you were there
\nAnd at the time, it’s not like I cared
\nWhat anyone thought
\nWhat kind of stares I got.
\nNo one was going to kick my ass
\nNot when there were only fifty kids in our class
\nAnd the biggest nerds in school at the time
\nWere five of the varsity football front line.
\nNo: let’s move forward in time.<\/p>\n

Am I a nerd?<\/p>\n

The person who convinced me to write my first book
\nI met in college when she came over to look
\nat photocopied posters for a local gaming convention
\n(my personal invention)
\nwhich I and my friends were hanging… on every wall in campus.
\nAnd she wanted to ask us
\nif we’d ever played
\nVampire: the Masquerade.
\n(We’re still close today.
\nI introduced her to her husband at one of those college game days.
\nTheir daughter’s name is Ray.)<\/p>\n

Am I a nerd?<\/p>\n

My wife<\/em> and I met Online,
\nthe story of our times
\nbut a dating site? Tame.
\nWe met playing video games
\nSaving the world with ice and flame
\nOr bows and blades
\nLooting digital upgrades.
\nFrom twenty-player raids.
\nOur date nights
\nWere orc fights.
\nDorks, right?
\nSure, we became friends because we’re clever and witty
\nAnd had things in common, like saving Paragon City.
\nBut you know what charmed her
\nWhat floated her
\nboat?
\nI<\/em> kept up with her Buffy the Vampire Slayer quotes.<\/p>\n

Am I nerd?<\/p>\n

My kids would say yes
\nif I had to guess.
\nMy daughter, nine, at recess
\nplays the part of a zombie princess
\nscary, but cool, in a ragged black dress.
\nLeading her armies onto the field
\nwith a magic sword only she can wield.
\n(The other kid gets an unbreakable shield.)
\nDoes she get teased?
\nNot that I’ve seen
\nAnd if so, she’d handle it better than me.
\n“You know who’s a nerd?!?” She calls out at school.
\n“I<\/em> am… but all of you are, too.”
\nA nerd, she explains,
\nis just a name
\nFor someone who gets excited about video games
\nOr Science, or Music, going to space,
\nreading four inch thick books with a smile on your face.
\nthe local sports teams, shooting some pictures
\nor baking souffl\u00e9s with just the right lift<\/em>. Nerds
\nare just people
\nwho care<\/em>
\nso much
\nabout something
\nit scares
\nyou.<\/p>\n

So you asked me this question to\u2026 what?
\nMake me blush?
\nSee if my spirit is easily crushed?
\nI can\u2019t even guess
\nso let me address
\nyour query
\nwith something far less
\nthan indignant fury:<\/p>\n

“A nerd? Me?
\n“Yes.
\n“Absolutely.”<\/p>\n

What does he<\/em> say?
\n\u201cWOW<\/em>. Okay.
\n\u201cI was just wanted to see
\n\u201cwhat you thought of those new Hobbit movies.\u201d<\/p>\n

And my wife,
\nthus far silent throughout the exchange
\ncries out in pain
\n\u201cOH GOD, now<\/em> you’re just trolling.
\n“Both of you go get drinks
\n“… before he really<\/em> gets going.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n