Comments on: Vayland Rd. [2] – The Road

By: ajcap

ajcap — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 21:50:56 +0000

Nothing tense with the tenses, as far as I can tell.

Please forgive me, I’m very tired, my dog had diarhea (sp?) last night.

Will read, must read, the next scene later, after a nap…

By: Doyce

Doyce — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 19:01:11 +0000

The first paragraph in the second section wrestles ineffectually with some vague issues of tense. I prodded it with a stick and tried to sort it out. Dunno if it came off right, even now.

Stupid tenses. Stupid persistence of time.

By: Doyce

Doyce — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 18:59:36 +0000

This section is short, because it used to be a lot longer, and it isn’t now. So there.

Stuff the hit the cutting room floor:
* A whole section about Sean driving out of the city and into a long night of driving, mulling over things without actually getting anywhere or having any original thoughts. Aside from the mulling, there was some crap about how he’d gotten used to living in the city, and how no one from his past really understands that.

Not. Relevant. CHOP.

* Some more stuff in the second section about driving through the midwest.

Redundant. CHOP.

–

I still like Churkk and Jek. Heh.