Perpetual projects and daily obsessions.
By which I mean this:
Tomorrow, we’re heading down south for my first ever visit to our nation’s capitol. (And Kaylee’s, but whatever.)
I’m warming up a rant on the subject of TSA stupidity for Thursday, just in case I need it. (I have no proof I will need said rant, beyond the evidence of my senses and an overwhelming sense of dread. We’ll see how it goes.)
Home’s a funny thing for me. My home’s in Denver, Colorado, thanks very much. It’s also in the middle of South Dakota, and maybe a little bit in Sioux Falls.
And it’s in New York. God, but I love this place.
Kate and I started dating awhile back, and for two years we did the long distance thing. Phone calls. Online MMO play-dates. And a trip back and forth from Denver to NYC (or vice versa) every three weeks or so. Frontier airlines declared bankruptcy the same weekend we got married. No joke.
Thing is, I haven’t been back since the wedding. 20 months (not counting 48 hours last holiday season, because I don’t).
This year, we’re taking more time. Family Christmas at the in-laws. A day or two in the city to see friends I haven’t seen in almost two years. In The City, which thrills me; GOD I miss that town. I had no idea how much until I emerged from the terminal last night and took a deep breath.
And coughed in the taxi fumes, but whatever. Shut up.
I fell in love with New York as I fell in love with Kate, is what I’m saying (which is good, as she will always and forever be a New York Girl). It, too, is my home, if it will have me.
Merry Christmas, happy fools.
I hope, today, you’re home too.
You remember how the networks used to just broadcast a looping video of a yule log so everyone at the station could go home?
Well…
We’ll be on a plane most of the day, heading to NYC, D.C., and other parts of the east cost that aren’t acronyms. There will be posting, but for now, Happy Holidays and a really heartfelt thank you for hanging out here from time to time; you’ve made writing stuff on the site a real pleasure.
So as the end-of-year looms, I find I have a few gifts still to buy, mostly for for people that annoy me, or due to situations that annoy me, which is why I’ve put the shopping off for this long in the first place.
Just because it’s the season of giving, I thought I’d share my plans for some of the more interesting challenges on my santa list.
The Kid you weren’t going to Get Anything For, except their Parents got your Kid Something, so Now You Have To
These:
At least half and hour of entertainment. For you, that is. Who knows if the kid will like it, and really, who cares? My four year old wouldn’t fall for this, so if he’s going to dig in the frozen earth with his sausage-fingers, is it really your fault if his slobbering greed ends up on a flipcam and, thence, the internet? These things happen.
The coworker who got you a fancy card and some cheap-ass chocolate crap that’ll make you fat or make you sick
You have a couple options here. The goal is long-term discomfort.
This isn’t bad. With this gift, you pretty much insure a six-month period of self-conscious nostril rubbing. If you’re lucky, it’ll turn into a nervous tic. If you have the acting chops for it, though, I recommend…
The key elements here are twofold. First, you have to pull off an earnest, smiling, heartfelt delivery of the gift. You have to really sell the idea that you put a lot of thought into this thing, and that you really think they reflect the coworker’s wacky ‘personality’. Second, you have to make sure it’s not just one doll. Shoot for a half dozen or so.
In combination, this will ensure that your target will feel compelled to display the things in their work area, and that the quantity will imbue them with a kind of weight. Momentum. What I’m saying is that with so many troll dolls on his desk, it’s only natural that people will give him more. It will become a thing. His thing. Whether he wills it or no.
Victory.
The family member you drew for “secret” Santa who has no wishlist, only mentioned three things she wants (one of which her husband already picked up, cuz he doesn’t know what to fucking buy for her either), and who lives halfway across the country
Might I suggest a gift card for a chain of stores that boasts few or no outlets in their geographic area? You might imagine you want one with no online store as well, but that’s thinking small: it’s far more appropriate to select based on how painful their shopping interface is. For instance, a c-note’s worth of purchasing power at fotoconnection.com should inflict the kind of blood pressure spike you’re looking for this holiday season.
Seriously?
No, not really, but if you’re really stuck for a gift, might I suggesting giving someone a goat? Or maybe a bunch of chicks. Or a duck. It’ll make you feel good — better than you do thinking of all these jerks who make your last-minute shopping difficult.
(Plus, they can’t bitch about it without sounding like a complete jackass. Bonus.)
… and my background: with the exception of Piranha Part Two: The Spawning, I’ve seen all of James Cameron’s movies at least three times. Yeah, even Titanic (though the third time was against my will). Understand that simple fact about me first: I’m pretty much the guy’s target audience.
Kate and I went to see Avatar last night. As I told some folks afterwards, it’s a thoroughly enjoyable, fun movie, and I didn’t remotely mind the nearly three hour length, even wearing the Real-3D glasses. (In fact, there was no point in there where I so much as shifted in my seat and thought “Okay, you could have edited this bit out, Jim.” I enjoyed it all, even the Diaspora-esque ship the protag comes to Pandora in.
Those of you who know me know that I do not consider “in 3-D” a selling point for a movie: I’ve never once walked out of a show thinking “man, if only that had been 3-D, they might have had something.” However, thanks to an observation from Chuck, we chose to go to to the 3-D version, and I’m very very glad we did. Like Coraline, this movie uses 3-D intelligently.
Even those of you who don’t know me might suspect I enjoy a good story. Much has been said about the simple, damned familiar story of Avatar — I’ll admit that I’ve repeated the Dances with Smurfs joke more than once — but the movie reminded me that old, simple stories are a lot like old, simple words: they resonate.
Is it a great movie? I don’t know. It’s certainly good. There are no major plot holes I could see. The technology is brilliant and used well, and the setting itself is gorgeous. Kate and I talked about the different parts we liked for a solid half hour after we left.
And here’s what I realized this morning when I woke up — the thing that made me write this post: I want to go see it again. In the theatre. In the 3-D. I will, in fact, be a little sad if I don’t manage it. Take that for what it’s worth.
I was going to make a nice little list of all the various kinds of people who might like this movie, and suggest they see it, but here’s the bottom line: If you like movies, even a little, I think you should see it.
Like it or hate it, I think you should see it.
In the theatre.
Probably even in 3-D.
Man, those are some words I never thought I’d say again, after Coraline. Way to go, Cameron.
Damn.
Over on Twitter today, I linked to three of the seven parts of an analysis of the Phantom Menace that was posted over on YouTube, and which I initially found on /Film: 70-Minute Video Review of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.
The reason I didn’t link to all seven videos? I didn’t want that to be the main thing I linked to today.
Some folks retweeted it and seemed to enjoy it… others were put off by the video’s… odd tone.
Which I totally understand.
How should I explain this tone?
Ahh…
Okay, you know the serial killer guy in Silence of the Lambs?
Not Hannibal Lector, but the other guy? The “It puts the lotion on its skin / or else it gets the hose again.” guy?
Yeah. Him. Imagine if that guy, in between skinning girls to make a woman-suit, sharply and insightfully analyzed all the (multiple) failings in Phantom Menace… and periodically went off his meds.
That’s the video. It even sounds just like him.
It’s not to everyone’s taste.
The problem is, the insight is really good. It’s really useful, from the point of view of story construction and character building and even the use and purpose of cool-ass fight scenes.
But can I legitimately recommend a video like this to someone when I know the humor might be distasteful?
Yeah, I probably can. I’m sorry if the humor is not funny to you, or it goes over the line, but dammit, the analysis is too sharp to ignore. I always knew I didn’t like Phantom Menace, but I’d never put a lot of brainsweat into why. Thanks to this guy – his fucked-up sense of humor notwithstanding – I understand why, and I take away tools I can use to make my own stories better.
I guess I just have to remind myself it’s a joke. It’s part of the ‘brand’, maybe, and that’s his choice, but it’s also his problem – I’m just focusing on the useful signal. Sometimes I have to ignore the joke.
I mean, we all know Chuck’s not actually gaining carnal knowledge of vegetable or animal produce, right? We know Warren Ellis isn’t boiling hookers and shooting their cerebral juices into his femoral artery, yes?
Maybe this guy jumps over the line here and there. Fine. Yes. Not every joke is funny. Fuck knows I scratch my head at some people’s idea of humor sometimes, and at the twitter retweets that link back to my site with a parenthetical “Warning: NSFW”.
Really? Where the fuck do you work? I’ve known pastors that swear more than me.
Anyway.
If you really can’t stomach the meat because of the seasoning, I’ll try to summarize the guy’s points, below.
But I still think you should check out the video.
“Describe the character without saying what they look like, what kind of costume they wore, or what their profession/job is.”
“When you’re worked up with emotion […] you expose your humanity a little.”
Temptation, revelation, anger, redemption.
“Lightsaber duels have less to do with the fight, and more to do with the characters.”
“We need a deeper meaning to things.”
So… yeah. The summary doesn’t really do the points justice. Not really.
I completely agree if you found the noise ratio too high to get anything out of the signal. Okay. I respect that. This is, I suppose, simply my explanation of why I chose to to the recommend the thing anyway.
(Also: I’m a huge Star Wars fanboy. There’s that too.)